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Joke of the Day

"[1st date] So, what's your back story? ""I have scoliosis"" No, I mean your BACK STORY, like your history ""Oh! I got scoliosis as a child"""

"Moses: Thanks for the mana in the desert. God: No problem. Moses: But since you can make anything- God: FOR THE LAST TIME, NO PIZZA."

"sex while camping? Now that's fucking in tents."

"John Wayne vs. Johnnie Walker What the difference between John Wayne and Johnnie Walker? Johnnie Walker is still killing indians."

"I got fired from work on pajama day... It's not my fault I sleep naked."

"What do you call a fat computer? A Dell."

"Money is the root of all evil, until the collection plate comes around"

"The cast of Star Wars VII just finished their first read through (spoilers) Mark Hamill pulled JJ Abrams to the side and said ""Can I have a word?"""

"After a long and distinguished career, my French teacher finally retired. Adios, amigo."

"Show up late for a meeting and say, ""Sorry, I have the WORST hangover."" Then, whip out a copy of ""The Hangover Part 2"" and laugh and laugh."