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Joke of the Day

"The room is 15$ a night. Innkeeper: The room is $15 a night. It's $5 if you make your own bed. Guest: I'll make my own bed. Innkeeper: Good. I'll get you some nails and wood."

"Which fictional lawyer has he smallest penis? Fatticus Inch"

"[being strapped to a medieval torture table] ""tbh not what I thought you meant when you said you were going to show me a nice rack"""

"If I were a trumpet player I would constantly borrow other people's trumpets. I'd hate to toot my own horn"

"I was just wondering, if you're not too busy sometime, maybe I could pet your dog"

"Guess how I spell distraction? R-E-D-D-I-T"

"Knock Knock? Who's there? Eat map. Eat map who? NO THANKS!"

"Simon: I wrote a song Garfunkel: *reads lyrics* Garfunkel: ""I am a rock. I am an island"" dude I'm like right here. I thought we were friends"

"What did the pillar say when he forgot to wish his friend happy birthday? I'll column later."

"I spent a good portion of today sitting in a Snuggie watching Cops. Eventually, they told me to go home and put on pants."