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Joke of the Day

"I spent a good portion of today sitting in a Snuggie watching Cops. Eventually, they told me to go home and put on pants."

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"What do you call violence in the kitchen? Assault and pepper"
"I've been interested in this deaf girl lately, but I'm nervous. Someone told me she has aids."
"""Man cave"" - Russian who has yet to get a full grip on our language, except mostly slang terms, describing the end of a couple's argument"
"I just lifted a couch to retrieve a Skittle that fell underneath it, so I get you Moms that lift cars to rescue children, I get you."
"I tried to convince the grape that she had dried out... But I just couldn't raisin with her. I'll see myself out."
"I love my wife And you can too for the low price of $14.99!!!"
"I swallowed two pieces of string last night and this morning they came out of my ass tied together I shit you knot"
"I'm sick of all of the Irish stereotypes... As soon as I finish this drink I'm punching someone"
"What does one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob? ""If we don't get some support, people will think we're nuts!"""