62269

Joke of the Day

"I have spent the past year looking for my ex's killer. but no one would do it."

"Who is a Racist and a Homophobe and a Bigot and a Hater and a Sexist pig? *Anyone* winning an argument with a liberal."

"What is the one thing you don't want to hear during sex? Honey, I'm home!"

"The New Yorker swims into a bar..."

"Why do tampons find it so hard to make friends? They're all stuck-up cunts."

"it's ridiculous to estimate the size of a man's weiner by looking at his hands or feet. just ask him to show you. if it's small, he won't."

"[helping my kid with contractions] Me: Would've Her: Would have M: Nice. I'll H: I will M: Good. Won't H: Won not M: Excellent"

"I got a handjob from a blind girl last night. She said ""You've got the biggest dick I've ever put my hands on."". I said ""Nah, You're just pulling my leg.""."

"Did you hear Jurassic World got shut down? Apparently they found a crisp rat in the kitchen!"

"Back before Walmart, you used to have to buy a ticket to see a bearded woman."