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Joke of the Day

"[helping my kid with contractions] Me: Would've Her: Would have M: Nice. I'll H: I will M: Good. Won't H: Won not M: Excellent"

"I was going to grease my mechanic's hand with a $20 bill for the phenomenal job he did but ... he already overcharged me by $200."

"A male unexploded landmine was in love with a female unexploded landmine and he said to her ... ""Hey baby, we should bang sometime."""

"Why are power tools good for bank robberies? They know the drill."

"I hate gender roles. They make me so angry and virile and strong"

"Someone gave me a star as a gift. I'm planning on sprucing it up with some planets and asteroids and using it as a summer vacation spot."

"[Jokes] What's the difference between a garbanzo beans and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face before."

"What did the DNA say to the RNA? What are U doing here?"

"What's the difference between a dead dog and a black guy on the road Dead dog has skidd marks on it"

"Optometry jokes I just started optometry school and I'm in desperate need of optometry jokes. Any suggestions?"