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Joke of the Day

"Spider-Man, Spider-Man, does whatever a spider can / super speed, giant leap / crawls in your mouth when you're asleep"

"I was attacked by tiny bees.... The experience was belittling."

"Due to those 5 extra minutes of sleep I got because of the snooze button I'm not even tired anymore Said no one ever!"

"How did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field."

"Facepalm? Is that FaceTime for blind people?"

"If a problem has a solution - no need to worry. If there is no solution - then it is pointless to worry about. A fundamental principle of apathy."

"interviewer: what can u bring to the firm me: [places a tiny cactus on desk & smiles] interviewer: I meant like clients me: [removes cactus]"

"btw, my linkedin endorsements for ""Dreamweaver"" are for me singing the song Dreamweaver and not for using that software"

"What is the closest thing similar to a woman having a period? Your salary. It also comes once a month, and lasts about 5 days. And if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble."

"When you've got bad hair and a chin zit all you can do is wear a low cut shirt and hope people look you in the tits instead of your face."