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Joke of the Day

"What is the closest thing similar to a woman having a period? Your salary. It also comes once a month, and lasts about 5 days. And if it doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble."

"I'm really good at digging underground to find sources of water. You could say it's something I do well."

"Why do children have middle names? So they *know for sure* that they are in deep shit."

"MUSLIMS GO HOME! Your spouse called and is fixing dinner early. Please pick up some hummus on your way."

"the hardest part of your wife going into labor is everyone interrupts the movie by asking questions"

"No matter how many offensive jokes I hear... No matter how many offensive jokes I hear, this one is by far the worst. What did the lesbian vampires say to eachother? See you next month."

"The 3 second rule for food dropped on the ground does not work.. if you have a 2 second dog"

"Why is it so difficult for people with breast cancer to remember things? They have bad mammaries."

"NASA : we were wrong , there ARE 9 planets in the Solar System PLUTO: I'm back, baby! NASA: because we found a new one! PLUTO: SON OF A"

"Young God: ok, a little hydrogen and- *chemistry set explodes* Mom: what was that?! God: nothing! *scoops resulting universe into shoebox*"