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Joke of the Day

"How did the scarecrow win an award? He was outstanding in his field."

"If you see me out somewhere and act like you didn't, you should know that I ignored you first."

"Why didn't the blond call 911? She couldn't find the 11 on the dial pad."

"I would like to tell you guys a joke... ...but I'd rather keep it about the film."

"Why did the pig walk into the kitchen? Because he felt like bacon. :P"

"A man walks into a bar with a piece of green tarmac on his head... The landlord says to the rest of the customers: ""Don't talk to him! He's a **cycle path**!"" Ba Dum Tss!"

"WHY DO WE ALLOW OTHER COUNTRIES TO TAG THEIR NAME ON TO SOMETHING AND SELL US LIES WHEN THEY DO IT WRONG? CANADIAN BACON? ENGLISH MUFFINS?"

"Chuck Norris can't get through his steak breakfast without a fifth of whiskey."

"A joke the owner of the pizzeria I work at told me while listening to Beethoven. Why did Beethoven kill his chicken? Because it wouldn't stop saying ""Bach, Bach, Bach."""

"ME: judging by this blood stain the murderer appears to have been a turkey ACTUAL POLICE OFFICER: That's a hand print"