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Joke of the Day

"Dear keyboard, They may touch you, but they can't take their eyes off of me. Sincerely, monitor."

"Roses are red... Violets are glorious. I wouldn't surprise Oscar Pistorius."

"Girls who are easy on the eyes are usually hard on the balls and wallet."

"How many dead hookers in a basement does it take to change a light bulb? Obviously more than four, because it's still dark as fuck in here."

"I used to be addicted to the Hokey Pokey but I turned myself around."

"Whats the difference between a Russian garbanzo bean and a Russian chickpea? A president has never been blackmailed into treason over a video of him paying to have a Russian garbanzo bean on his face."

"Question: What goes up and never comes down? Answer: Up"

"Wish I had the confidence of a small child having a meltdown at the shopping mall."

"What's the difference between a Genealogist and a gynecologist? A genealogist looks up your family tree. A gynecologist looks up your family bush."

"What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your bath? Throw in your washing."