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Joke of the Day

"What do you do if an epileptic has a seizure in your bath? Throw in your washing."

"What does cows say when they want someone to move? Muuuuuuuuuuuuhve..........."

"Happy New Year everyone....and may your worries this year last no longer than a Kardashian marriage ."

"Around me, girls tend to lie when they're drunk... Especially on their back"

"There was a homeless guy walking down my street.. I was gonna give him a few bucks but his sign said: ""ONE DAY IT MIGHT BE YOU"". I put the money back in my pocket just in case he's right."

"I bought my friend a copy of The Lord of the Rings but he didn't seem that pleased. He though it was a Tolkien gesture."

"What is the slowest ship? A snail boat."

"You give a few pot heads a bunch of weed and nothing to smoke out of and suddenly they all become engineers. It's amazing."

"I was walking down the street with my wife.. And i saw my mother in law being beaten up by six men, when my wife asked ""Aren't you going to help?"" I said ""No, six should be enough."" From Les Dawson."

"Vampire 1: ""I once went so long without fresh blood that I nearly died."" Vampire 2: ""How awful!"" Vampire 1: ""Yes. Fortunately I found some in the neck of time."""