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Joke of the Day

"Why did the guy have Ben Franklin tattooed on his dick? His girlfriend was great at blowing 100 bucks."

"Had a bad mixup at the store today. Cashier said strip down facing me. Apparently she meant my credit card."

"If by mathematician you mean dividing the number of snacks in my car by the number of miles I need to drive, then yes, I'm a mathematician."

"I was gonna make a Justin Bieber joke.. But, Sorry."

"The problem with rich people is you're not one of them."

"Special shout-out to various coworkers for keeping me warm during this chilly weather by wearing perfume that burns my eyes and lungs."

"Why did 10 die? 10 was in the middle of 9/11"

"Claiming that someone else's marriage is against your religion is like being angry at someone for eating a donut because you're on a diet."

"Dad asks me have you heard of the new movie constipation? I was all like what, no. And he said, It never came out."

"Pretty nice 7 mile run, and I don't even care that that woman passed me because her cane was like a whole extra leg that never gets tired."