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Joke of the Day

"Sometimes in the shower I pretend like I'm a bumblebee and just crash into the curtain a few times and die in the water."

"I wish I were an octopus so that the answer to all of my problems would be, 'change color and escape in a cloud of ink'"

"CANADIAN: Let's watch a movie AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic? CANADIAN: What's that about? AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A huge one that sank"

"What do you call a hirsute ceramicist? Hairy Potter"

"Jared Fogle began and ended his career the same way... Trying to get into smaller pants"

"I've had enough of this shit. I thought to myself as i sat on the toilet for 3 hours."

"A rapist a gangster and a murderer are in the same car... Who is driving the car? A police officer!"

"What's got 2 legs and bleeds? Half a dog."

"I never give homeless people drugs because I know they're just going to trade them for food"

"*dies & becomes a ghost* Wow! The philosophical & theological repercussions of this are staggering! I've got to tell-- *is eaten by Pac-Man*"