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Joke of the Day

"CANADIAN: Let's watch a movie AMERICAN: Have you seen Titanic? CANADIAN: What's that about? AMERICAN: Yes, it was. A huge one that sank"

"Me: Hey, don't assume I'm dying alone. I might find someone, you don't know. Waiter: I asked if you were dining alone. Me: Oh, sorry. Yes."

"Wow, your teeth are white. Thanks. I'm just curious, what color were you expecting?"

"Did you hear about the Baton Rouge bride who cancelled the wedding when she heard her friends were planning to give her a shower?"

"All these phone companies advertising for ""More lines, more savings!"" But when I do more lines my savings go to shit."

"One time I told my blind Nana to go on a seafood diet... She died a week later."

"What's green and lays in a ditch while covered in cookie crumbs? The Girl Scout that got hit by a car."

"If you woke up in the woods with a handful of leaves and a condom hanging out of your butt, would you tell anyone? Wanna go camping?"

"New healthcare plan in case Obamacare is defunded: the entire country pays for hospital bills by cooking meth."

"My friend was putting lipstick on her forehead She said she was trying to make-up her mind"