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Joke of the Day

"Just finished reading the Declaration of Independence to my kids, and they went to live with their dad"

"How many hipsters does it take to change a lightbulb? I've got it on vinyl."

"Caller: Is Mr. Rock available? Me: Yeah, hold on. *hands phone to 5yo* Me: It's grandma, buddy. Tell her about Caillou."

"Someone just asked me to fax them my email address. Careful driving folks, these people walk amongst us..."

"How does a Chinese family name their children? They throw 3-9 pots and pans down a flight of stairs."

"Girl, yo grammatical atrocities so huge, you need typosuction."

"Why did the pedophile get a job at the bakery? because he likes his buns fresh from the oven."

"My dad's TV volume is always set at ""f*ck the neighbors""."

"What's black and blue all over and hates sex? The five year old in my trunk."

"Why was Selena Gomez suspended in elementary school? Because she couldn't keep her hands to herself."