61798

Joke of the Day

"Are you impulsive? Think about it"

"A mathematician tries to go to the beach... A mathematician tried to go to the beach to get a tan, but he couldn't find it cos there were no sines."

"You treat your body like a temple? That's nice. I treat mine like a whorehouse above a liquor store next to a motherfucking Taco Bell."

"What is red and hurts when you bite it? A Brick."

"[creating foxes] GOD: make it orange & give it a fat tail ANGEL: ok... GOD: and make it sneaky ANGEL: you sure? GOD: yeah... real sneaky"

"Today there was a band-aid on my plate, a bat flew in the house, & a bee stung me. Today was brought to me by the letter B."

"I booked some Star Wars impersonators for my son's birthday, but I've just had a phone call saying that their people carrier's broken down. All I know is that they're in a Galaxy far, far away."

"2 fish were in a tank, what did one of them say to the other? How do I drive this thing?"

"If tomatoes are a fruit, then ketchup is a smoothie."

"I would like to thank everybody that stuck by my side for those five long minutes my house didn't have internet."