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Joke of the Day

"""It's beautiful today. Let's work outside."" *5 mins later* ""This was a terrible idea."" *more bees disrupt the open heart surgery*"

"My ex girlfriend had a dog. That thing was so crazy I ended up putting her down. But I kept the dog."

"Where do you see yourself in 10 years? In a mirror."

"What did the hipster say... ...when he was told to get off the couch? ""Nah-imma-stay"""

"What do you get if you cross a snake and a lego set ? A boa constructor !"

"You should trust Benjamin Franklin's judgment He's always right on the money."

"30 wolves 28 sheep how many did not 10"

"Why can't someone who wears glasses get a job? They don't have any contacts!"

"Just got a call from the wife saying she'd broken the wing mirror. Just got a call from the wife saying she'd broken the wing mirror. I asked ""How the hell did you do that""? ""The car rolled on it""."

"A genius would have put Kevin Bacon in Grease."