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Joke of the Day
"Why do gay guys use ribbed condoms? Better traction in the mud."
Next Joke
"Hitler meets Anne Frank one day in the camp. Hitler: you know, I like you... how about you join me for dinner next Friday? Anne Frank: let me check my diary"
"Why do heroine addicts rarely have meetings late in the afternoon? Because it's dangerous to shoot for 3 or even 4."
"Two peanuts walk into a bar... One was a salted."
"Hi, is your resort child friendly? Yes it is sir. Would you like to make a reservation? *hangs up"
"Your mamma's so fat when she goes to McDonalds they ask her what she doesn't want"
"Forgot my Fitbit because it was charging and now it's like I walked for no reason."
"Next update: Twitter will tell you what the retweeter is feeling as they retweet your retweet. And what they had for breakfast."
"[police lineup] VICTIM: That's him! The dopey fat guy in the middle. COP: We haven't started yet. That's your own reflection in the glass."
"""I stalk people you've probably never heard of"" -hipster stalker"