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Joke of the Day

"[begin metajoke] What did the drunk Chinese customer say to the bartender? No have to cut me off. Fall off barstool by myself. [end metajoke]"

"Last year I felt miserable and depressed, but this year I've managed to turn it around. Now I feel depressed and miserable."

"A pirate crew is fleeing from a whaling ship One pirate swabbie asks, ""This be the whaling ship driven by the wench with two vaginas?"" The pirate says, ""Aye, we best be wary of har poons."""

"TIL the odds, as a male college student, of having sex with a given college girl. One in four"

"Four years ago, I asked out the girl of my dreams. Today I asked her to marry me! She said ""no"" both times."

"Ah Toronto, the only city where the leaves fall in autumn... ...and the Leafs fall in the spring"

"*hangs a vacant sign on your forehead*"

"What do you get when you cross a onion and a donkey? A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye"

"I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please. Oops. Wrong sub."

"The coolest thing about the last Hobbit movie was knowing it was the last Hobbit movie."