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Joke of the Day

"What do you get when you cross a onion and a donkey? A piece of ass that brings a tear to your eye"

"Pulling pants up high to conceal a big belly is like a comb-over for the gut."

"My kid threatened to hold her breath until I gave her dessert. She's now passed out on the kitchen floor. I don't negotiate with terrorists."

"What day was Doris Day born? Doris' day."

"Headed to police station to go through mugshots for a date tonight. I don't trust ChristianMingle."

"What did the man say when he sat on a candle? Fire in the hole!"

"Why don't people in their 80's have sex anymore? You ever try to open a grilled cheese sandwich?"

"What type of shoes do pedophiles wear? White Vans."

"How many women with PMS does it take to change a light bulb? GO FUCK YOURSELF!"

"Religion vs science? Science flies you to the moon. Religion flies you into buildings"