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Joke of the Day

"I'll have an Italian BMT on Cheddar bread with everything but lettuce. A squirt of mayo and yellow mustard too please. Oops. Wrong sub."

"About to check Facebook? Let me save you some time. One of your friends has updated their cover photo to a picture of the beach."

"Why was Aladdin disqualified from the Rio Olympics? He was on performance-enhancing rugs."

"You the bomb. No, you the bomb. A compliment in America. An argument in the Middle East."

"What's the difference between a feminist and a doormat? You might try and knock some mud off on the sidewalk before you step on the doormat."

"Hey baby are you a Communist? Because i can feel an uprising in my lower class."

"Why was the programmer unhappy at his job? He wanted arrays. It had to be reiterated several times before it was sorted out."

"What do Whitney Houston and Jeremy Clarkson have in common? They were both on Top Gear."

"Still shocked that people kill themselves without first eating nothing but cheesecake for a week, THEN killing themselves."

"Decided to watch the lunar eclipse tonight... Couldn't see the moon"