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Joke of the Day

"How does Harry Potter go down a hill? By walking. JK. Rowling."

"How do you make a glow worm happy ? Cut off his tail he'll be de-lighted !"

"[Confession] ""I killed a man"" ""Wait what"" ""Lol had to get that off my chest, now why did you come in today, my son?"""

"Coolest jobs: 1)Beer maker 2)Secretary of War 3)Ninja 4)Guy who pushes scared skydivers"

"Have you heard of the new deodorant called umpire? It's for foul balls!"

"My wife said she'd like another baby... ... I agreed, the one we have is fucking annoying!"

"*flips coin* ""Head or tail?"" Her: That's not how this works!"

"My daughters boyfriend still doesn't know how to tie his shoes... Every time I walk in her room that's all she's doing."

"Flight Attendant: Would you like some headphones? Man: Yes, and how did you know my name was Phones?"

"I got kicked out of the library for putting a ""Women's Rights"" book in the the fiction section."