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Joke of the Day

"I tried phone sex last night Safe to say, I would prefer if you didn't call me during working hours until it goes flat."

"Nice try, horror movies, but the scariest thing I've ever seen is still a 4-year-old holding a sharpie without the cap."

"I recently started playing the triangle for a reggae band... ...I just stand at the back and ting..."

"A rapist, a carpenter, and Alexander the Great walk into a bar They came, they saw, they conquered"

"The year is 2089. Toasters are made clear now and no one burns toast or bagels. Crime is at 0%"

"Who did the philosophy major ask out for the Halloween dance? Nobody. He was too 'Freud."

"Scottish Engineers Q: What is the anthem for Scottish Engineers? A: ""All the Single Laddies"" Edit: Read it carefully"

"What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly your cock up someone's ass."

"after decades of advertising, all we want is to feel authentic desire"

"Why do cemeteries have fences around them? Because people are dying to get in."