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Joke of the Day

"*wakes up at the crack of Dawn* *instantly regrets drunk dialing Dawn last night*"

"Me and my best friend reverse our cars everywhere together. We go back a long way."

"Four ply humor. My wife asks me? I want a boob job. I told her, rub some toilet paper between your tits. You wipe your ass with it all the time. Look how big your ass is."

"Wife and I made a deal. She gets to keep hair on her legs, and I get to keep my opinions to myself. Baby steps."

"why do people romanticize the 1950s? like calm down, we still have milkshakes and racism"

"~ At a bar last night ~ Her: I don't want to be alone tonight Me: Well, I can take care of that *takes her home* Me: Pick any cat you want"

"every good........ (offensive) every good rape story starts with a no..."

"Why is 4840 square yards like a bad tooth ? Because it is an acre."

"Who the hell decided ""have a happy period"" was an okay thing to write on maxi pads? ""NOT WORTH THE JAIL TIME"" would have been more relevant."

"How did realism get me banned from Facebook? I sided with cancer on the ""Kids VS Cancer"" page."