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Joke of the Day

"What do blondes and turtles have in common? When they're on their backs, they're screwed."

"Why do most movie sequels stink? Because movie makers are basically doing a number 2."

"What do you do to a chemist after they die? You Barium"

"Why do programmers always mix up Christmas and Halloween? Because Dec 25 is Oct 31"

"ALCOHOL. Because no good story ever began with, ""So, I was sitting there eating this salad..."""

"Doc: I'm afraid you got 6 months to live Me: Why are YOU afraid? Doc: I'm not Me: You said you were Doc: I lied. You got a month. HAPPY NOW?"

"Intelligence is like an underwear. It is important that you have it, but not necessary that you show it off."

"How is sex like putting on a belt? If it's not tight enough, move on to the next hole."

"I'm long, brown, and I love bowls. Jimi Hendrix."

"A sissy in a Prius terrormobile tried to race me at a stop sign. Had him for the first 100 feet, but a fella can only walk so fast. Merica."