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Joke of the Day

"Why is Santa Claus so jolly? He knows where all the naughty girls live. I actually heard this in the video game LA Noire. Thought it was pretty funny so I bust it out every Christmas."

"Hey guys. Stop touching your wife's pregnant belly in pictures. We get it, you came in her."

"Reading the Cheesecake Factory menu. Don't tell me how it ends!"

"If Christians made a movie about church attendance, what would they call it? Exodus"

"I like my women how I like my computer Broken, dead, and in the basement."

"""As a creative person I'm often asked where I get my ideas."" Yeah. As a creative person you often imagine people doing that but they don't."

"I decided to burn some calories today.. ...So I lit a fat kid on fire"

"""Give it to me!"" she yelled ""Give it to me!"" She yelled. ""I'm so fucking wet, give it to me now!"" She could scream all she wanted. I was keeping the umbrella."

"Aliens are taking people with . . . . . . .Big Dicks! Dont worry you are safe! Im just telling my favourite alternative news site that i wont be around for a while!"

"Don't ask me where I've been all your life if you're going to look so bored when I open my diary and give you a comprehensive answer."