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Joke of the Day
"What do you call your saggy old midwife? Me doula oblongota"
Next Joke
"Weekend special: What has 142 teeths and can hold back the incredible hulk? My zipper"
"What has more lives than a cat? A frog -- it croaks every night."
"I'm quite lazy, so I use my toes to pick things up from the ground... ...You could say my feet come pretty handy."
"My phone's autocorrect would like to wish everyone a happy Palestine Day."
"I'll accept the 'fat fingers' excuse for typos but if you fuck up your/you're I'm going to need to see a doctor's note explaining your IQ."
"Just unfollowed a bunch of people funnier than me. Now my tweets seem, you know, funnier. Tomorrow I unfollow all the good-looking people."
"i prefer a girl without makeup. in fact i despise the artifice of flesh. give me a nice wailing skeleton"
"A baby horse is found injured. The cause of the injury is unknown, but foal play is suspected."
"I got my beautiful wife a lovely woolie hat and a coat for Christmas. She's gonna need it because I've just lost our house to gambling."