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Joke of the Day

"I could lose 120 pounds in less than a week, but apparently there's some kind of silly NewYork law against killing your ex."

"How do you grow a cow? Plant its nuts."

"Breaking news: Cartoonist found dead in his own home. The details were sketchy."

"A football supporter's favourite Christmas song? 'Yule never walk alone'"

"So a baby seal walks into a bar... The bartender asks ""what can I get you?"". The baby seal replies "" anything but a Canadian club on the rocks""."

"Why didn't the blond call 911? She couldn't find the 11 on the dial pad."

"What did the terrorists say after blowing himself up before getting to his destination? Too soon?"

"Why wasn't Caitlyn Jenner charged with vehicular manslaughter? It wasn't her fault. Her tranny slipped."

"""Do you want to have fun but also get more mad than you've ever been in your life?"" - video games"

"Did you hear about the optometrist who fell into a lens grinder? He made a spectacle out of himself."