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Joke of the Day

"Did you hear? Oxygen and Magnesium are dating. When I found out I was like OMg!"

"What was special about Three-Eyed Suzie? She had no legs."

"[puts scarf on snowman] Girl: to keep u warm Snowman: I am made of snow. G: omg you're alive! S: ok but lets get past that. are you stupid"

"A grasshopper walks into a bar and asks for a beer... ...the bartender says,""You know, there's a drink named after you."" The grasshopper replies, ""There's a drink named Murray?"""

"Common sense is a flower that doesn't grow in everyone's garden."

"What do you call a slutty fisherman/woman? A hooker."

"Is there a hole in your shoe? No. Then how did you get your foot into it?"

"Why did the chicken cross the road? Because Pacquiao was chasing it!"

"[types symptoms into WebMD] WebMD: Eww. Gross."

"How many terribly overused Vine memes does it take to screw in a lightbulb? ***19, you dumbass. Its 19. not twenty-fucking-one.***"