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Joke of the Day

"What's the difference between Luke Skywalker and a black man? Luke Skywalker eventually finds out who his father is."

"My 2015 new years resolution 1920x1080"

"When I turn on the lights all of the dads scatter off of my deck, the fat dads can't get over the fence"

"Last night I had a dream I ate 10 lb. marshmallow. When I awoke, I could not find my pillow."

"Why did the two tampons not talk to each other? They were both stuck up cunts."

"I shall plucketh thine eyes from ye skull and make kebobs but with bendy straws instead of skewers cuz those are dangerous"

"Sometimes I'll send a tweet, notice a typo in it, delete it, re-send it, notice a different typo, unplug computer, change my name and move."

"What if reddit had a currency? Would they be called creddits? ( )"

"What do you do when you see a black man lying on the floor? You stop laughing and shoot him again."

"[having daughter's new boyfriend (who I think is a caveman) over for dinner] so dave, how is work? *lights candle and watches his reaction*"