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Joke of the Day

"I shall plucketh thine eyes from ye skull and make kebobs but with bendy straws instead of skewers cuz those are dangerous"

"Besides those glaring flaws that I choose to ignore, I don't know what's wrong with me."

"I sometimes pretend to hate Nickelback more than I do so you will like me."

"What dinosaur has the best vocabulary? The bronthesaurus."

"My girlfriend keeps telling me i need a job... I said ""with your hands or your mouth?"""

"I'm like the lemon seed that sinks to the bottom of your water glass and then shoots up your straw unexpectedly, trying to choke you."

"Just ate a whole bag of chips, but it was ""reduced fat"" so basically it was like going to the gym."

"Earth: Goodnight Moon Moon: ... Earth: I said Goodnight Moon' Moon: ... Earth: Look, I don't choose which days they celebrate Moon: Whatever"

"Guys, police jokes aren't funny. So give it arrest. (I'm so sorry)"

"I tripped over some stupid plant so I gave it the finger and walked in a circle around it because I wasn't sure where its stupid eyes were."