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Joke of the Day

"What's the one thing spiderman can't eat? Uncle bens rice"

"On dating sites, some of the options for 'body type' should be, 'Vending machine', 'deformed walrus' and 'pudding in garbage bag'."

"My son looks just like me. With his eyes. xpost to /r/dadjokes"

"I'm unemployed, but now I can finally say I'm making six figures... although all of those figures are zeros."

"I give it two weeks before Jay Leno starts tweeting from the new @ConanOBrienTwitter account."

"They call it ""pms"" because ""mad cow disease"" was already taken."

"is this Sara? hi, this is Tom from HS. my god its been years! Anyway, im calling because u changed your HBO Go password & I need the new one"

"don't worry, i'm not like other girls *head slowly rotates 360*"

"Why do Eskimos wash their clothes in Tide? Because it's too cold outtide"

"How did the sperm cross the road? I put the wrong socks on today. ^(credit to /u/jackster_)"