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Joke of the Day

"On dating sites, some of the options for 'body type' should be, 'Vending machine', 'deformed walrus' and 'pudding in garbage bag'."

"I watched the footage of Saddam being executed, and it really made me think... Is there nothing on the internet that I won't masturbate to?"

"How many German does it take to take down a plane? One. Because he's very efficient and silent while doing it."

"What do you get when you mix an elf and a scientologist? Elrond Hubbard!"

"I can dig graves my entire life and nobody calls me a landscaper, but i suck one dick! And they call me gay for life!"

"How do you call a woman with no boobs ? You dont."

"*cooks french fries on your greasy hair*"

"What is the difference between your dog and your girlfriend? You can get your dog to come."

"When I was young I did stupid things because I didn't know any better. Now I know better and do stupid things because I miss being young."

"Knock, knock Who's there? Wu Wu who? I wouldn't get too excited sir, I'm here to impound your car."