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Joke of the Day

"2017 New Years Resolution First step: write down the resolu"

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"I didn't believe my friend when he told me who the Canadian Prime Minister was... turns out it was Trudeau."
"Michael Jackson, too soon? What's the difference between Neil Armstrong and Michael Jackson? One of them walks on the moon, the other one fucks little boys in the ass"
"Ugh I have to write an autobiography?? STORY OF MY LIFE."
"one time this girl pulled me close & said ""I'm the girl your mom warned you about"" & I said ""so you chose bulbasaur as your starter pokemon"""
"what do people call bob the builder when he's not building anything? bob"
"Man is like spider.. .. bound to have sticky hand when on web!"
"I'm sorry for the things I said when I was attempting to take off my sports bra."
"If you don't get the joke look it up. Your mother was a hamster and your smelt of elderberries!"
"What's a Latin professor's favorite song? Hit the quam"