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Joke of the Day

"Economists say the recession ended last year. Good to know. I'll bring that up at the dinner table tonight over our single bean."

"[Jokes] What's the difference between a garbanzo beans and a chickpea? I've never had a garbanzo bean on my face before."

"HER: You've run over my dog ME: I'm so sorry HER: You're gonna have to replace him ME: [imagines finally being called a good boy] yes please"

"What did one priest say to the other priest? ""Do you know where my son is?"" ""Oh yeah, I forgot to tell you that I'm a necrophiliac."""

"Two condoms are walking down the street... And they pass a gay bar. One condom turns to the other and asks ""hey wanna get shit faced?"""

"That awkward moment when a person says they need their beauty sleep when what they really need is plastic surgery."

"Props to every deodorant commercial ever for abandoning all creativity and just going with ""If you buy this, women will have sex with you"""

"How to propose marriage: 1. Drive to bridge 2. Jump off"

"President Obama to rename the White House"

"My girlfriend said she's leaving me because I have a gambling problem I think she's bluffing"