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Joke of the Day

"I tried ""Netflix and chill?"" on my wife. We're now on season 3 of Gilmore Girls."

"If you wake up tomorrow with Santa jacking off at your bedside, do not be alarmed. He is giving you a white Christmas"

"Girl, did you take a massage therapy course at a community college with questionable credentials? Because you're rubbing me the wrong way."

"Daylight Saving Time ends today. So I have to remind myself, that the clock on my microwave will be wrong for the next several months."

"My dick was in the Guinness book of records... Until the librarian throw me out."

"What's the difference between a paycheck and a penis? A woman will blow one every time."

"New headphones model about to hit stores. Its called beats by Chris Brown."

"I ran into my ex the other day... Then I put the car in reverse and backed into her again."

"I told my disbelieving Egyptian friend that he was standing in a river... ...but he was in The Nile."

"Walking condoms Two condoms are walking down the street. As they pass a gay bar one turns to the other and says.... you wanna go inside and get shit faced?"