171938

Joke of the Day

"I told my disbelieving Egyptian friend that he was standing in a river... ...but he was in The Nile."

"Doctor: are you sexually active. Me: I'm not even physically active"

"I'll be buried in a spring-loaded coffin stuffed w/ tons of confetti. In the future some archeologist is gonna have an awesome day at work."

"A convicted con man was recently found to be impersonating a lawyer in New York City. To which one judge remarked ""I should have suspected he wasn't a lawyer. He was always so punctual and polite."""

"I'm currently dating a woman that, like me, has Parkinson's and kleptomania. We're going to take things slow."

"I just watched a documentary on marijuana. I think all documentaries should be watched this way."

"Auto correct changed naughty with nausea and it was the best decision i ever made in this relationship."

"A man has been jailed for forging banknotes. He also got a big fine which he immediately paid in crisp $9 notes."

"What do you call a nosy pepper? Jalapeno business."

"How do you get a Jewish girls number? Roll up her sleeve."