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Joke of the Day

"Vanish- The World's Number 1 Stain Remover' Is there a number 2 stain remover? My boxer shorts are absolutely fucked."

"Q: How do you circumcise a whale? A: You send down five skin divers."

"I hope DC residents have good flood insurance Because that swamp turned into a damn lake real fast."

"A vampire walks into a bar and asks for for a cup of boiling water The bartender says to the vampire dont vampiers drink blood? the vampire pulls out a used tampon and say yes im making tea!"

"This oatmeal tastes just like bacon because I threw it away and I'm eating bacon."

"What does Paul Inces mum make for Christmas ? Ince pies !"

"At least you'll be able to watch Jeremy Clarkson on Dave for the next 12 years."

"Doctor: ""We got your test results back. I'm so sorry--it's Curiosity."" Cat: ""Oh my god..."""

"What do you call it when you have to listen to rock music obsessively? OC/DC"

"[boardroom] ""Now hear me out. They're Teenage.."" Ok ""Mutant.."" I like where this is going ""Ninja.."" Noun me, Graham! ""Turtles"" You're fired"