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Joke of the Day

"Vanish- The World's Number 1 Stain Remover' Is there a number 2 stain remover? My boxer shorts are absolutely fucked."

"Any machine is a smoke machine if you use it wrong enough."

"I just bought a bottle of Drano... Well that was $4 down the drain."

"And the Lord said unto John, ""Come forth and you shall receive eternal life"". But John came in fifth and won a toaster."

"Wheelchair athletes have just been banned from the Paralympics They tested positive for WD40"

"What did Stella McCartney say during a threesome? Come together Right now Over me"

"[first date questions] You like meat? I make killer beef jerky with leftover hobo carcasses...and she's gone Whatever she's probably vegan"

"So what are you doing today?? ""So what are you doing today?"" - ""Nothing."" - ""What the heck, you were doing nothing the whole day yesterday!"" - ""That's right, and I'm not finished yet."""

"Wife: Where did all this glitter come from? Me: Jake, at State Farm."

"My husband and I are having a serious fight. Do you think I should let him know about it?"