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Joke of the Day

"What is a rifle with three barrels? A trifle."

"Reasons to jump: 1. Trampoline 2. Skydiving 3. Bungee jumping 4. Kris Kross made you"

"Everyone keeps telling me that I'm condescending. It means I talk down to people."

"[in car with wife] ""did you take $20 from my purse?"" *sips $3 coffee* no *gets rear ended and $17 worth of sour candy falls out of glovebox*"

"Blond joke! :D What do you call a dead blond in the closet? - last year's hide & seek! :D"

"Soon be Christmas... WHO SAYS doing Christmas shopping early avoids the crush? Last year, I did mine a full 12 months in advance, and the shops were just as busy as ever."

"Apple bottom jeans... Boots with the fur... That's all you packed, Jessica? This is a camping trip. This is why we don't work as a couple."

"Dating a single mother is like continuing from somebody else's saved game."

"Why did Cruz pick Carly Fiorina as his running mate? To lay off his campaign staff."

"How awesome were the 50s? None of the girls had tramp stamps & you could smoke in hospitals."