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Joke of the Day

"A bottle of food coloring jumped off a building... It dyed."

"Chuck Norris farted once. He did this in the Sahara Rain Forest."

"Not liking me will always be your problem. Never mine."

"Officer: have you been drinking? Me: no sir 0: you were swerving M: Twitter O: oh, I'm on Twitter what's your handle M: yes, I was drinking"

"Cat got your tongue? Frog in your throat? Monkey on your back? Butterflies in your stomach? You may be dead in a field."

"When I'm about to die and my life flashes before my eyes I'm worried that a lot of it will just be Facebook and TV."

"Anyone can give a definition for erectile dysfunction... It's not that hard."

"""Man, I did so much shit today"" *throws away diaper"

"It takes a lot of balls to play golf the way I do."

"Did Adam and Eve have bellybuttons? *reason #42 why I can't fall asleep"