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Joke of the Day

"I took a girl to Fight Club. Terrible place for a first date. We had nothing to talk about."

"I don't understand why death row inmates are given their choice of meal before they're executed. ""I have to die tomorrow, but I get TACOS!"""

"I tried water polo but...."

"""A bloke walks into a pub and asks for a pint of Adenosinetriphosphate. The barman says ""That'll be 80p [ATP]!"""

"I heard people in jail can only turn left. Because they lost all their rights."

"so true story, i just mindlessly outstretched my fingers to graze the rear end of a Macy's mannequin that turned out to be a real human man"

"Keanu Reeves watching a Keanu Reeves movie trying to figure out how he's in two places at once."

"Chuck Norris, the actor, film producer and screenwriter died in his house today at 76 years of age He is now feeling much better and has fully recovered from this minor annoyance"

"Dogs: OMG YOU'RE HOME! I LOVE YOU!!! Cats: greetings human. as you may have noticed, my food bowl is empty...fill it..I'll be on the couch."

"Mickey Mouse and Minnie Mouse were in divorce court The judge said to Mickey, ""You say here that your wife is crazy."" Mickey replied, ""I didn't say she was crazy, I said she's fucking Goofy."""