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Joke of the Day
"I swear to drunk im not Patrick."
Next Joke
"Q: What famouse Arkansas State Supreme Court decision is Hilary Clinton famous for? A: If you divorce your wife in Arkansas is she still your cousin?"
"I'm beginning to suspect I might have bad posture call it a hunch"
"St. Patricks Day Whenever people pinch me on Saint Patricks Day, I punch them. Because whatever you do with ""I"" I do with ""U"""
"I asked my Chinese girlfriend for a 69 last night. She said 'Fuck off, I'm not cooking at this time of night'"
"13: Dad, do you believe in miracles? Me: Do you remember spray painting my car? 13: yeah M: Are you breathing? 13: yeah M: Well, there ya go"
"*steps on Lego* *stumbles backwards and trips over more Legos* *throws all Legos away* *Grandparents buy more Legos for Christmas*"
"""What's that?"" I call it a 'knife' ""Wow, that's the best thing since bread!"" Gregory, I am about to blow your mind"
"Wife: Where are the kids? Me *turns off router* [from down the hallway] HEYYYYYYY!!!! Me: They're in their rooms."
"Ordered a pizza. Delivery guy and I talked for 45 minutes about swords and he got fired. Now he lives here, we're gonna fight crime together"