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Joke of the Day

"I'm only human. And like all humans, I'm a fucking asshole."

"Why did the French chef kill himself? He lost the huile d'olive"

"When god gives you AIDS... Make Lemon AIDS!!!"

"You never get a second chance to make a first impression. Unless you work in the alzheimer's wing of a nursing home, then you get lots."

"The shortest route between point A and point B is under construction."

"There is a new Barbie doll on the market - Lion Tamer Barbie ...lion is included; Barbie's head is not"

"TIL it is impossible to look at your nose while sticking out your tongue without looking ridiculous."

"How many theoretical physicists does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two, one to hold the bulb and one to rotate the universe."

"I don't get my neighbor. tells me to make my self at home but then gets pissed off when they come into the kitchen and I'm in my underwear making a sandwich."

"""So your telling me that you'd be willing to lick your SO's butthole..."" ""But all be damned if you would share a toothbrush!"""