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Joke of the Day

"Pay attention to your kids... Because one day he will stuff a sugar free gummy bear in your mouth that he rubbed on a cat."

"Ever noticed how you used to be embarrassed by things you did or that happen to you, but now your first thought is ""I can tweet that"""

"Russian 'Matreshka' Doll store is looking for a senior manager... also a manager, a junior manager and a junior manager's assistant."

"It's my life. I'll live it, I'll love it, and I won't care what you think of it."

"It's like an orgasm in your mouth Someone gave me a dessert and said ""Try this, it tastes like an orgasm in your mouth."" I replied: ""You know what tastes like an orgasm in my mouth? Fifty bucks."""

"""Honey, why are there broken condoms on the backyard?"" And that's when his wife replied shouting: ""I ALREADY TOLD YOU TO STOP CALLING THE KIDS THAT!"""

"I've got a ""bun"" (baby) in the ""oven"" (oven)!"

"How does a Jew make beer? He brews."

"[leaving a party] GF (holding 2 identical jackets): which one is yours ME: whichever one has a pancake in the pocket"

"My wife threw a doughnut at my head. Now I have a glazy eye."