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Joke of the Day

"My Irish friend was telling me about his uncle. ""My uncle's a cop, you know,"" he said. ""Oh, really?"" ""No, O'Riley."""

"A Blind Man Walks Into A Bar Then Into a Table, Then Into A Bar Stool......."

"An American and a Finn are drinking in a bar... After an hour, the American says ""ahh, this is good beer."" The Finn says ""Are we drinking or talking?"""

"what do I get Teacher: If I cut a beefsteak in half and then cut the half in half, what do I get?Tommy: Quarters.Teacher: And then if I cut it twice again?Tommy: Hamburger."

"I would rather text someone for a hundred hours than have to spend one second talking to them on the phone."

"How do you make a cat sound like a dog? Pour gasoline on it and set it on fire : WOOF! How do you make a dog sound like a cat? Freeze it and put it thru a table saw: meeeeooooow"

"What's the difference between a Catholic wife and a Jewish wife? A Catholic wife has real orgasms and fake jewelry."

"What do poor people drink? Pover-tea."

"You're so fat... you had a threesome with Aunt Jemima and Mrs. Buttersworth."

"Reading two books simultaneously is educational. I just learned that Cardinal Richelieu huffed and puffed and blew the 3 little musketeers."