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Joke of the Day

"if i were a cab driver, i'd scream ""ROAD TRIP"" every time i got a passenger"

"I met this guy who said he was a Mir Space Station cosmonaut. But I thought it was quite an achievement."

"My wife & I went to a costume party as each other. She walked around pointing at things, asking how much they cost. I showed up 2 hrs late."

"""Why am I not asleep?"" he thought, while shining a beam of pure information directly into his eyes from eight inches away."

"Did you know Oxford university was founded before the Aztec Empire? That explains the sacrifices my parents had to make to pay my tuition"

"A roman walks into a bar Holds up two fingers and says ""I'll take five beers please!"""

"Life takes you where you are meant to be. Apparently I am meant to be poor with a ton of education and experience."

"My girlfriend asked me if I could have a threesome, which of her friends I would choose... I SHOULD NEVER HAVE NAMED 2 FRIENDS!"

"The Wright Way ""I think it is wrong that one company makes Monopoly."" -Steven Wright"

"when life gives you lemons make apple juice, then sit back and let the world wonder how you did it."