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Joke of the Day

"The Wright Way ""I think it is wrong that one company makes Monopoly."" -Steven Wright"

"What word is always spelled incorrectly? Incorrectly. I'll see myself out."

"I don't wear a watch. I DECIDE what time it is."

"Body language tells us a lot about people. For example, my neighbor really doesn't like to be held underwater for more than 2 minutes."

"What's a pirate's least favorite letter? A cease and desist."

"I gave my son some masturbation advice. ""Slow the fuck down, you're going to rip my cock off."" I told him."

"I made a chicken salad today. Cheeky bastard didn't even eat it."

"A poster at the door of a church said, ""If you are tired of your sins, come in."" Someone used lipstick to write her number beneath it and added ""Call me, if not."""

"People complain about auto-correct but it is helpful 99% of the titties."

"When I have complicated problems I always ask myself, what would my imaginary wife do? And then I end up buying myself cupcakes, and shoes."