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Joke of the Day

"Whenever I see people lined up outside a club on Friday night, I just think ""look at all these poor people who don't know Netflix exists."""

"Someone tweets ""pizza,"" I want pizza. Someone tweets ""donut,"" I want a donut. Someone tweets ""kale,"" I want pizza and a donut."

"Me: *slowly unzips footed jammies* Him: Heyyy...you uh...wanna fool around? Me: What? No, I just lost an M&M in my onesie"

"Why do migits laugh when they run? Because the grass tickles their balls."

"I'm going to throw an awesome surprise party for my daughter when she gets home and realizes I know that she snuck out! SURPRISE!"

"Astronauts are cowards, why don't you stay down here and face earth's problems like a man"

"My IQ? With google or without?"

"You can tell how important a thing is by if there's a cheese of it: string, important; mars, not important; blue, important; democracy, not"

"Why does Windows 10 say ""Hello""? Because my PC is a Dell. (please don't hurt me it's my first post on r/Jokes omg)"

"My wife agreed to a threesome with two girls. She was inexplicably livid when I told her she was neither."