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Joke of the Day

"A Montage Video of My Life Except every time I disappoint someone, it gets faster [0:08]"

"You're 16 and miss the 90's? Yeah, I'm sure those were the best 3 years of your life. Shitting in your pants and eating crayons."

"The first rule of liars club is to tell everyone you're in fight club."

"*Tucks shirt in* ""Goodnight, shirt."""

"The horn quit working in my truck, so I'm hanging out of the window revving this chainsaw at pedestrians."

"I hurt myself holidaying in Spain this year. It was a Sevilla injury."

"I was taken by aliens! I couldn't get away, I don't speak Spanish!"

"I hurt my foot the other day. My heel can't support any weight. But I haven't got to see a doctor yet. I'm just tiptoeing around the issue."

"What's the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer? The hooker can wash her crack and sell it again."

"What do you call a nun in a wheelchair? Virgin mobile!"