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Joke of the Day

"Why doesn't Melania Trump want to be the first lady? Because she would have to move into a smaller house."

"If you love Christmas so much... *Why don't you merry it?*"

"Have you ever had sex while camping? Its fucking in tents"

"Why is the homeless /r/anime mod still homeless? Every time someone tries to give him Shelter, he rejects it."

"I always go the extra mile at work. That's why I'm a terrible taxi driver."

"I just smashed into a Smart Car... It's totalled. But at least my bike is fine."

"Pick the odd one out... Pick the odd one out: eggs, meat, wife, blowjob. You can beat your eggs, you can beat your meat, you can beat your wife, but you can't beat a blow job"

"How do you get a Michigan girl into an elevator? Grease her hips, and throw in a Twinkie."

"You know what makes me angry? Haemoglobin kettles. They really make my blood boil."

"When I was younger I used to masturbate by having sex with a jar of peanut butter... But growing up and looking back I realize I was just fucking nuts."