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Joke of the Day

"So my girlfriend wants to roleplay as a 14 year old... I told her ""why bother? You'll be 14 in a few years anyway"""

"Wanna see an ass-trick? Here --> *"

"Q: What did the football say to the football player? A: I get a kick out of you."

"On phone: GF: We're breaking up... Me: I can hear you fine! GF: It's not you, it's me... Me: Did you get a new provider? GF: Kinda... Bye!"

"""Your word is their..."" ""Your word is their,"" said the spelling bee judge. The contestant, confused, asked for a sentence. ""They're looking for their dog over there,"" replied the judge."

"When you're with the right person, you feel the perfect balance of happy and horny."

"Why is my penis nicknamed Johnny Depp? Because I pirate so many pornos. Edit: I don't know how to add the nsfw tag sorry."

"What kind of baseball do burgers play? Ketchup baseball!"

"The only reason an IKEA kitchen will last you 25 years is because it takes 23 years to put it together"

"Call-in sick every morning to somewhere you don't work"